Your Credit vs Your Friends, who'd have thunk?

Because these are strange and sometimes desperate times we’re in, I’d like to share with you something I learned the very hard way this week. It struck me literally dumb for the first 4 days. Since then, I’ve begun picking up the pieces of me and am now looking for yet more creative ways to move beyond the last two years. When I figure it out, I’ll post it here.

In the mean time:

You know how a lot of people say NEVER do work for friends or never mix friendship with money. Well, I don’t believe that. I’ve had many successful experiences from both the giving and receiving end of that equation. I would like to say, for the record, if you are at all hesitant, follow your instincts and DO NOT DO IT.

I had a couple of friends who were a couple. They had been looking for someone to do some work on their mother’s house where they were living. It was to be paid by the mortgage company who now owns her house via some poor planning and a reverse mortgage. They’d asked me to have my property management company manage the work and had asked many times.

I liked Pam, a lot in fact, and we’d become close since my divorce. That did not change the fact that no one, including me, wanted to do the work. The work wasn’t all that. Pam is notoriously ‘difficult’.

I had even referred her to three guys, all of whom, according to Pam, had come over to bid the job and never returned. Pam said she’d flatly exhausted all her resources and mine and the mortgage company was going to find them in default of their end of the bargain – maintaining the house. Please couldn’t I help?

Wait – important element – When Pam and Eric had decided to move back in with her mother, they had been living down the street. Pam asked if they could store some of their furniture in my, mostly empty – had been my ex’s play room, sun room. I saw no harm. I was certainly cheaper than a climatized storage facility at FREE and the room was looking rather forlorn with nothing but the dog feeder in it.

So, against my better judgment and my instincts, I came to the aid of a friend. Pam was insistent I make a few hundred and I said, well yea!, and built it in on the standard 10+10 (simply, this means the 10% you add for profit and the 10% you ad for, “OH SHIT”) bid I would be placing with the mortgage company. Then the final invoice and receipts either show you came in on budget and they don’t owe you quite as much or, you came in hopefully 10% or less over what you anticipated and nobody’s upset about it. As my company was a mere shell by this point, I subbed the work and used my house accounts and bookkeeping services to justify remaining the go between for Pam and the contractor. I made it clear to Vern, the contractor, not to talk to Pam, just work and leave. I also asked Pam to come to me only and directly if she had any questions or concerns. I thought this would ensure the least opportunity for confusion or misinterpretation. Do I need to add, last famous words?

I wasn’t there for their conversations so I’ll not offer how they went. Suffice to say it took only 5 working days for them to mutually ignore all I had asked and create a side contract for some additional work I was not even privy to until all this <<>> came to a head. Just one more week later, Vern’s claiming he’s not getting paid properly (on his side job!! in his opinion-I have no idea) and Pam’s telling me he’s never allowed on the premises again. Oh joy!!

There was still and only the installation of an exterior door to be completed. It was a special order door and was ordered – just the day before and not yet in production. I had only to pay a penalty of $50 to stop the order the day I talked to Pam about it. It was $1005.27 including tax, with 50% pre-paid. The balance on their bill, which included installation, was $1531.20. We agreed that no matter what happened between her and Vern, she and I were still friends and we’d let the door arrive and they or I would find someone else to install the door with the balance available of $525.93. AMPLE MONEY FOR THE JOB AT HAND. Of course, this money included my 10% ($291) but as long we all got out alive – que sera sera, right?

The door arrived about 10 days later and Coastal asked if they could deliver it for me. I said absolutely, thank you so much!

About 9 days after that, I was still not getting return calls from Pam and had another Sub I know call me and say they’d run into someone who’d been asked if they would be willing to install a door for Pam and Eric and forge a signature on a check to get paid for it. Well, its all hearsay but it sure made the lack of communication make more sense.

That same week, the next day actually, I get a call from Pam, all sweets and pleasant, saying it looked like Eric was getting transferred to Savannah and they’d like to pick up their stuff that Saturday. Well, I certainly didn’t need any more confirmation than all this. They had decided, for what reason I will apparently never know, to NOT pay me the cost of the door. I have to admit I handled this news poorly and childishly. I told Pam no. I said I thought I’d keep their stuff until I got the money for my door.

By that Friday, I’d been doing some thinking and realize that I actually needed to handle this in a professional and legal manner. Still shocked, I sit down with Vern and we decide a plan for execution. As he is the contractor, I need his cooperation and we kindly agree that since I got paid nothing, he’ll take his reduced pay already received as paid in full and go to the trouble to help me get reimbursed for the door. We fill out the appropriate paperwork including lien papers for Pam’s mother’s home and I send an email to Eric stating what we have prepared to do but would rather not. Does he or Pam have anything to say?

Indeed they did. At 3.30 that afternoon, I was served. They had, the day Pam called me, filed a civil suite against me for their furniture stating a value of $5000!!!!!! I never did get an email back from Eric.

The case was two weeks later, I showed up and as the law clearly states was found wrong for trying to hold their belongings hostage – no matter the reason. Their attorney and I agreed upon a time and a mediator for witness and about 10 days later, Eric and friends, without Pam, came and got their stuff.

That was in August of 2009.

There are two things that have not happened since. I still have not received a Statement of Satisfaction from their attorney; Mr Joe Hammill and I have not had my day in court on a case filed 5 days after theirs due to postponements on behalf of their attorney who is obviously a very busy man.

There is one very unexpected thing that did happen. The thing that is the inspiration for this blog entry. The thing that all of you need to know because sadly I am not the first or last to be ram-rodded by former friends. Though they do not normally show up, if one files a civil suite with the credit reporting agencies, they will gladly ad it to your profile.

After 5 months of job hunting, willing to accept ANY job offered but having the pleasure of ‘dancing’ with one I actually wanted for three of those months, I got a job! The job I wanted - and not a moment too soon. We were all very excited; my new employer, my friends who’d been watching in sympathy and myself. I had to pass the criminal, drug and credit check and I was in. My credit was trashed due to my bad marriage, divorce and consequent bankruptcy but I had explained that and sadly I’m not a rare case these days. So, all was good. I was to start Monday, March 29th – 3 weeks away, but getting there. I received copies of my drug exam, as expected, all good. I got a call from a friend who’d gotten an inquiry about my character, again, all good. I was called as my former employer to state my opinion. That one went very well.

I got a call Friday afternoon from Doug saying he’d just gotten an email from the home office referring to a civil judgment on my credit report. Did I happen to have any proof that I resolved that problem? Well, worry not, get me something as soon as you can. Of course, we‘ll have to postpone your hire date, but I know we’ll work it out.

I call Mr. Hammill’s office, no answer. I call Saturday, on the off chance, no answer. (Don’t you think it’s really weird they have no VM?) I call Monday morning and leave a message with his receptionist who says he’ll be out most of the day. I send Eric an email asking (without all the messy details) if he’s willing to give me Mr. Hammill’s cell or perhaps, call Mr. Hammill on my behalf. I call that afternoon and get Mr. Hammill himself on the phone. He says yes, it definitely slipped his mind and he’ll call tomorrow afternoon for me to come pick it up. An hour later, I get a call from Doug. With no proof otherwise, he’s afraid they are rescinding their offer for employment. This is, after all, a large, well-established local company and this is a sensitive position.

Mr Hammill is now on vacation for a week, I have received nothing from his office, oh and… I never did get an email back from Eric.

Word to the wise: If you find yourself being sued by friends or anyone, once resolved, get proof and check your credit report to see if they filed it!! If so, follow up.

The Dark Ages

Having received my umpteenth email about how the world is coming to an end because we passed a piss pore health care bill, I must finally respond.

Capitalism is an economic structure.

Democracy is a government structure.

Caring for our fellow man is a social concept which has become quite the dilemma. Though traditionally, social responsibility has been recognized as a sign of more developed societies, we have recently been viewing it as a very bad thing in deed. Note in deed, as in action, as in the doing of a thing. It seems we all agree that caring for our fellow man is a good thing to do, a good idea, it simply isn't productive, somehow, anymore, maybe.

We, as a society, have deemed that we choose to care for our fellow man. We have shown this in many ways over the centuries; through our US Constitution, the Hippocratic Oath, acts of kindness, respect for laws, teaching our children about faith, love and honor, and reverence for icons such as Jesus and Gandhi. These are all in deed, ways in which we show our respect for our social construct.  They all fall under the heading of government, the passive, please just fix it factor or, religious, don't you dare challenge my beliefs because I won't factor.  The fact that we no longer encourage our youth through teaching, or by example, to ponder or evaluate our ideologies, individually or as a whole, is not only painfully apparent, but bizarre and the real enemy at hand.  Ignorance is always the enemy.  To not know a thing is to be ignorant of it - be clear - that is all I mean.  I am ignorant of much including brain surgery, which is why I don't attempt it.

... but I digress.  So, the job of executing displays and results of our moral compass cannot fall on the private sector as it is not a job based on financial gain or latitude. It is a moral stance that has nothing to do with economics or self pursuits (as in gain, as capitalistic.)  It has to do with our maturation as a culture, as a society, as self.   Do we choose to aid each other in living or do we step over the dying to attain what we, personally, want?  Do these two pursuits clash?  If I felt they didn't, what does that look like?  Do I really care?  As we have long ago formed a general unified position and not since, looked back, or forward, it seems there are now some varied opinions on 'our' opinion and no one left skilled to discuss it.

As we have put our moral stance in the hands of our government to execute for us so as not to interrupt our desire to self succeed, we must then A) support its efforts to represent our moral majority or B) openly admit we really don't give a fuck about our neighbor and dismantle our government.  To continue to defend that this argument is over the fear for our financial health and not a question of our moral compass is a farce.

The most recent rant I received on this matter contained the following stats as an argument for the terrible state our country is in:

VERY INTERESTING! the percentage of each past president's cabinet who had worked in the private business sector prior to their appointment to the cabinet. You know what the private business sector is... a real life business, not a government job. Here are the percentages.


T. Roosevelt........ 38%

Taft..................... 40%

Wilson ................. 52%

Harding.................49%

Coolidge.............. 48%

Hoover................. 42%

F. Roosevelt......... 50%

Truman................. 50%

Eisenhower........... 57%

Kennedy.............. 30%

Johnson................ 47%

Nixon.................... 53%

Ford..................... 42%

Carter................... 32%

Reagan................. 56%

GH Bush.............. 51%

Clinton ................. 39%

GW Bush............. 55%

And the winner of the Chicken Dinner is.....Obama......8% !

I find this the lamest of arguments. Had more of our leaders remained in the non-for-profit arena perhaps we would have a more morally grounded group of leaders. Had we responsibly maintained clearer definition of duty as a government employee, would we really be questioning our government's intentions or responsibilities in regards to health care for all?  Or would we be questioning there financial bail out of PRIVATE enterprises that lied and stole?

I'm all for opinions and debate but mixing metaphors and platforms under the beguilement of greed, which is actually fear of loosing what you have such a tenuous hold on - a wealthy sustainable life - is not only ignorant and misguided, it is morally repugnant.

The "Dark Ages" were termed such for that reason. Scarcity and the fear thus overtook common decency and we, humanity, stepped over our dying and ignorant and blamed them our lot. We never once took responsibility for our state as a whole recognizing that in denying our love and respect for life, all life, is to deny ourselves the right to feel good when we wake up each morning. It's that simple.   Do you like who you are today? You are not only you, you are a part of the collective you. The you that votes or doesn't, is polite or isn't, is keen to your environment (home, car, neighborhood, school district, state, world) or isn't.

This entire ridiculous argument that we will now plummet into financial despair if we morally take a positive stance is absurd! The fact that our government is near financial ruin is due to the fact that we've demanded it serve our capitalistically driven economy. That's not its job! Shut up! Quit whining! You will not now live a less fruitful life because your neighbor might not dye of a staff infection. You will live a more fruitful life because your neighbor is better cared for with little personal assistance from you. WE have raised our moral bar... by a freakin' smidgen of a hair on a gnats ass.

More on how this bill is also a complete farce but FINALLY a conversational piece to behold later.

I do think Obama deserves an accolade for his willingness to be fed as the sacrificial lamb for the sake of our humanity.

Sincerely,
Kat Nesbit