I found my ENERGY!

I had an epiphany last night in bed. Alone. I was so awakened by this idea that I tossed and turned for an hour and a half knowing I had to be up and perky in court this morning. (That convo is better left for another time.) And, as fate is, my business partner sends me an article today very much in line with my new awareness. It may be viewed at http://www.fastcompany.com/blog/cliff-kuang/design-innovation/hard-works-over-ratedit-could-even-be-detrimental See, I’ve been reading this book: Move to Greatness: Focusing the Four Essential Energies of a Whole and Balanced Leader. And well… OK, let me start from the beginning. I have been, in my opinion, a moderately to mostly unsuccessful person in my ‘careers’ to date. I have spent years trying to ‘better’ myself; reading, learning, working harder, longer, etc… I have always thought I was wrong or bad for my meandering and digressive habits. I have worked diligently at developing organizational structure for my life and I have a system for just about everything. I’ve learned to actually care about details, not nuance. I have a timer on my computer that tells me to stretch, drink water and relieve my bladder. As much it makes my skin crawl, I am quite capable of running the accounting office for a small to mid-size company by myself. Order and detail. Order and detail.

Meanwhile, coworkers, on every level of employment I've ever worked, have always appreciated and respected me. They’ve often looked to me for leadership. But, until I started my own business, I was not the leader. AND, even then, I continued to think I had to build all those skills I’d been chided for not having and squelch the ones I’ve been chided for having.

From first grade on, I scored poorly in categories such as pays attention, uses time wisely. I’d very much like to be successful, financially and amongst my piers, I’ve always believed I wasn’t and I've always looked to the past to correct my future. WRONG!

In my last career move, I even went so far as to strip my office of plants, artwork and things of beauty thinking I really needed to get it right and focus, and all that stuff has been distracting me. I was so committed. Alas, we only know what we’re taught and so I did not realize I was actually doing my darnedest to smother, squelch and otherwise kill the very core of one of my greatest strengths. Wandering.

Yes, wandering is my asset, wandering is my friend. Wandering, though I have treated it as a pariah to be scoured from the earth, is a large part of who I am and what makes me excel when I do. In fact, concept thinking; helping clients explore their intentions and targets from that ‘big picture’ perspective; that stuff that actually makes lasting growth happen, is what I do. Yet still, I have been trying to ‘fix’ my ‘problems’ of star gazing.

I feel so absolutely dense for not having seen this before. So now I begin the journey of realigning myself with me. I’m bringing the plants back, hanging artwork, loving my disaster of a desk and never chiding myself for it again. I’m going to play my goofy music and my ‘new age’, blues and country when it strikes me. I’m going take real breaks – not the go pee, grab a glass of water and smell the yard on the way breaks. I’m going to actually sit in my back yard and do what I do so well – just sit there. I’m going to play with my dogs, watch my beloved TED talk and make personal phone calls all on ‘company’ time. When a wandering thought hits me, I’m going to address it there and then, not tuck it away hoping I make time for it later. I’m going to explore it and breath!

If you’ve not read this book, do. It’s an easy read and truly insightful. It also has tools and tricks. It can help you strengthen your weaker energies and encourage your stronger ones. As you can see by the title, there are only four. You can handle it. To finding your balance ;)